tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-217958062024-03-13T20:45:46.377-07:00Of things spiritualA sharing of experiences<p><i>He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.</i>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-86139402314455608052015-04-05T17:58:00.002-07:002015-04-05T18:00:43.102-07:00Josephus and a ram<span class="dropcap">I</span>'d heard of Josephus, a historian--Jewish history. I downloaded a writing of his a few months ago, 'cause I've heard about him 'forever' and had no clue just what he wrote, and wanted to see. Every few weeks, I'll read a few more pages.</p>
<p>A few days ago, I resumed reading and ended up in his description of various animal sacrifices conducted by the Hebrews. I'd gotten through his descriptions of "whole burnt offering" vs "thank offering" (with a list of "approved" animals for each of those) and was now reading about variations of sin offerings. There was a distinction between what I'll call "oops sin" (akin to "I'm not sure, but I might have sinned") sacrifices versus sacrifices for when a person knew clearly that they had done wrong. Josephus noted that a ram was the offering for the known sin.</p>
<p>Ram... I backed up, skimmed through Josephus' lists of animals for the other sacrifices. Sure enough, the first mention of ram was for the "I know I did wrong" sacrifice and, unlike the other cases with "options" on which animal, only a ram was accepted here. (Heh, imagine the line of folks showing up with animals to be sacrificed, and they see the dude with a ram--"Wonder what HE did...") So, there was this very clear connection between a person bringing a ram for sacrifice and their doing so with a clarity about their having done wrong. And such sacrifice was God's arrangement for their "paying in full" for their sin (okay, at least till their next offering).</p>
<p>Hundreds of years before, Abraham had gone up the mountain, anticipating he'd sacrifice Isaac and, at the last moment, God stopped Abraham. Abraham saw a ram stuck nearby. Abraham offered as his sacrifice the ram that God provided.</p>
<p>(Gears turning in my head...) Abraham couldn't have known the possible symbolism of his sacrificing a ram, in effect his saying "I do this because I know that I have done wrong." And God had provided that ram.</p>
<p>Easter week. Here we are. Easter is about God having provided the sacrifice that paid in full for my sin. And just like the uniqueness of the ram and the person owning up to their wrong, so the "paid in full" nature of God's offering of Jesus only applies to those who show up with a clarity about their sin. Deny my sin? Payment not applied. Own up to my sin and accept "God's ram"? Full payment--and life eternal with Jesus who rose from the dead. I have no doubt I have done and do wrong. I choose to believe in God's substitute payment.</p>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-69298291057639372282014-07-31T10:33:00.000-07:002014-07-31T10:40:40.201-07:00Part 2: Hey, that's not what that word means<p><span class="dropcap">A</span> friend told me she was going to be reading the following verse to some ladies as part of her introductory talk: "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."</p>
<p>"Issues?" I knew the verse with different wording than "issues". The word I knew was "wellspring". I asked her why she liked her version, asked her what "issues" meant to her. She had definitions of "issues" that seemed like decent guesses, considering the english word "issues" we're familiar with. She also noted that "issues" had a nice sound to it. It was a bit like poetry in that sense.</p>
<p>Hmm. How was it that one translator could come up with "issues" while another came up with "wellspring"? And were any of her guesses (based on her definition of the english word "issues") on the right track? I was curious to know more about the hebrew word behind this. And so I used the free online tool to get insights for myself. (You may have seen one of my long-ago posts where I explored another word, the word "delight": <a href="/2006/02/mysterious-delight-word.html">The mysterious delight word</a>)</p>
<p>In both cases, I used a free online tool to get insight. <i>A key point of this post: You, too, can do this. You can do it right smack in the middle of a church service, if you have a computer or smart phone with access to the online tool. Do it!</i></p>
<p>Guessing the meanings of words or just assuming that "the english probably means such-and-such" is really unwise. And I really want to teach you right now how to use an online tool that can take away so much guessing and get you on the right path of knowing what a passage is about. The online tool is part of the web site blb.org</p>
<p>GETTING STARTED WITH BLB</p>
<p>In a browser, go to blb.org (this short name then turns into blueletterbible.org for you)</p>
<p>There is a search box and a dropdown for you to choose a translation, if you wish.</p>
<p>In the search box, type the reference of the verse of interest. (In my case, it was Prov 4:23)</p>
<p>Verses in that chapter are listed. Yours may be at the top right now.</p>
<p>STARTING TO EXPLORE A SPECIFIC VERSE</p>
<p>For each verse, you see "TOOLS" and the verse number. Select the verse number.</p>
<p>In the resulting display, the verse is spread out vertically, with one phrase or word per line. </p>
<p>Each line starts with the english word or phrase. Sometimes it is followed by "PHR". And there is a "Strong's" number, and then there is a hebrew or greek word.</p>
<p>If you see PHR, that means that the english on the left is a *paraphrase* of the raw hebrew or greek. There is something about the hebrew or greek that could not be directly translated to english. </p>
<p>You know the phrase "white caps" which refers to white peaks seen on wind-swept waters? Russians have their own name for the same peaks. The word-for-word English translation of the Russian name would be "white horses". But that would be unclear to an English audience because we understand "white caps" and don't know about "white horses". In this case, a *paraphrase* helps. It is a kindness if a Russian person says "white caps" so that his English audience understands. So, sometimes an English paraphrase is used because it is easier to understand than how the Hebrews or Greeks would have talked about hte same concept.</p>
<p>There are also some hebrew and greek words that scholars aren't so sure about. They may wrestle among themselves about the right interpretation. And their choice of english words might be the result of their best guess at the meaning.</p>
<p>(In my case, there is indeed PHR for the phrase that includes "issues". "Why was it a paraphrase?" I wonder.)</p>
<p>RESEARCHING A SPECIFIC WORD OR PHRASE</p>
<p>It is the number that we're interested in. Click the number to see details about the original hebrew or greek word. (In my case, I clicked on H8444.)</p>
<p>The resultant display contains many sections.</p>
<p>BASIC DEFINITTIONS</p>
<p>My eye naturally jumps first to the dictionary-like section, the section titled Outline of Biblical Usage.</p>
<p>It is more than a dictionary: it is a listing of the many ways that this particular hebrew or greek word is used in other places in the bible. (In my case, I saw four lines in outline style).</p>
<p>NUMBER OF TIMES</p>
<p>There is an important section to combine with this, and that is the section just below this outline. The section is the "KJB translation count," that is, how many times the word is translated one way versus another in the King James Version. </p>
<p>Maybe we should wonder, "hey, it's just one hebrew or greek word--why didn't the translators use the same english word every time? Why am I seeing that this one word ended up in several different english forms?" That's a good question... Pursue that!</p>
<p>SAMPLE VERSES</p>
<p>Let's stick with this point about "several different english forms" for a moment longer: scroll down lower until you see a bunch of verse lines that each start with TOOLS. Note how the verses are from all over the bible. A tiny number appears in the middle of each verse there. That tiny number draws your attention to how the word got translated for that particular verse. </p>
<p>(In my case, I was pursuing the english translation, "issues". Here I see definitions about "outgoing", "source" and "escape". What I do not see in these definitions is "issue". Interesting! And now I wonder "why did the translators decice that 'issues' was part of a good paraphrase of outgoing/source/escape?)</p>
<p>SCHOLAR'S INSIGHTS</p>
<p>The next thing that I like to skim through is the portion that looks kind of like text in an old newspaper. It has a lot of italics in it, and it mentions verses by their reference number, etc. This is information extracted from scholar material. If you read it, you may get a little more insight into the more concise list of definitions above it. This section is helpful sometimes just because there is just a little bit more explanation. </p>
<p>(In my case, the scholar mentioned that the hebrew word has something to do with "a place from which something goes forth" like a "gate or a fountain", like a "fountain of life". Aha, perhaps that's the insight behind "issues of life" and "wellspring of life". When I now know that the emphasis may be about "source", then I can understand that "issues" does not mean "problems" (like "that man has issues") but rather "issues" is an old-style word meaning the place something comes from. You may be familiar with the old phrase about a woman having "an issue of blood", that is, blood flowing. I'm making progress on my word study: the core concept here is "source". Or at least I like that so far. Alert: I see the scholar then says that this same word can also mean "exit" or "escape". Hm, I don't know what to do with that. It can mean "source" AND it can mean "exit"? Well, we have our own english words that, depending on the context, mean different things. So, I'm trusting that the translator picked the right use here, "source".)</p>
<p>ROOT WORD</p>
<p>I enjoy seeing where words originated. You know the word "cardiology". Where did that word come from? It has two root words: "cardia" (greek for heart) and "logy" (greek for "study of"). From the root words, we understand "study of the heart.</p>
<p>At the top of this section is a Root Word box. It has one or more numbers. You can click each of those and learn more about the formation of your original word of interest. Caution: when you get there, what you find is NOT to be taken as "the meaning of the first word I was looking up." No, this is the meaning of some other word. That other word somehow plays into the formation of your particular word. Read it for insight into your word.</p>
<p>Another example: the phrases "NOT GIVEN TO WINE" and "NOT GIVEN TO MUCH WINE"</p>
<p>Timothy was instructed by Paul in how to choose elders and deacons. There is some overlap, some similarities; and there are key differences.</p>
<p>These english phrases "not given to wine" and "not given to much wine" are different by one word. That's a significant differece in english. So, I want to know the greek origin for this idea of "much". Also, I am curious what "given to" means and whether there is more insight (akin to "issues" actually being about the source or origin of something).</p>
<p>Before researching with the approach described above, I had assumptions: I expected to see the same greek words in both verses, and I expected to see a little greek addition which turned into "much". Thus my first (big) surprise was learning that the greek words are completely different and not similar at all. That makes me wonder "what happened?" regarding the translator using identical words in the english (okay, in at least one translation/version of the bible). At the moment, I am pretty convined that "given to" is a confusing way of translating the greek concepts. While I can understand how a translator could *choose* those words to convey meaning, I still think it wasn't the best choice. (This is akin to choosing "issues" when the words are really about "source/origin".)</p>
<p>The next surprise for me was what the greek phrases mean. Each seems to have a fairly specific meaning, at least as best as I could figure out from the scholars notes. Why would Paul pick out two very specific concepts, not related to each other, one for elders and a different one for deacons? </p>
<p>See also my discussion about context, <a href="/2014/07/hey-thats-not-context.html">Hey, that's not the context</a>.</p>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-57931539094641400512014-07-31T09:35:00.003-07:002014-07-31T10:39:09.693-07:00Part 1: Hey, that's not the context<p><span class="dropcap">M</span>ovie trailers and TV show previews are cleverly crafted to get us to think one thing when in reality it is something else. Snippets of scenes have been put in a different sequence and that sequence is exciting and creates the sense of doom or sense of victory or drama and we now want to see the whole thing. And then we watch the movie or show and see those snippets in their real context and realize it's a completely different story. Oh, but it was so exciting in the movie trailer!</p>
<p>And we see similar with politician versus politician--okay, and husband versus wife, sibling versus sibling, schoolmate versus schoolmate. It is so convenient to grab just a snippet of what the other said or present part of what happened, and present it as if it were the whole thing. If someone else showed up who knew the whole story, they might easily recognize how the snippet of info was misleading or inaccurate. Hey, it might be true--we'll give them that. But the reality is something different.</p>
<p>In this post, I take aim at "bible teaching" or "bible explanation" where someone is telling you something as a "truth" yet some of the details ain't right. But the risk is that you don't know that some of the details ain't right because you'd rather just hear their heart-warming, pleasant little speech and not put in your own effort and see for yourself, "Is that really what the bible says?" and "Is there a bigger context that suggests their speech has flaws?"</p>
<p>I set out to write a different post, one about "how to analyze specific words" in the bible so that YOU are not at risk of just running with whatever definition suits your personal agenda or running with whatever definition someone else threw at you and it turns out they're wrong and you don't know it. I felt the need to point out that there are many ways we can be deceived, and specific wording is one of those. Context is a really important one. </p>
<p>And so I'll pursue this "context" issue with this simple advice: Read the context, darn it! That's it. When someone quotes a phrase--whether that phrase creates a beautiful image or that phrase creates a scary image--you really should consider whether you know the context of that quote. If you have any question, just go read the context. If you are sitting in church listening, go read the context. (Hey, of all places to read the bible, they better not get mad at you for ignoring them while you go read the context!) And then either you will agree with the speaker that they used the phrase in an okay way OR you will discover that--whoa--they should not have put their spin on that phrase, that that's really not what that phrase is about, considering the context.</p>
<p>Even better is studying on your own. I appreciate this advice on reading and studying from a pastor: (1) Read the whole book (e.g. the book named "Galations") a few times. (2) In each rereading, work at grasping WHO was the audience and WHAT was going on for them at the time they received that information from the writer (well, "Galations" is a traditional title given to what was a letter, a letter written by a spiritual leader named Paul to a whole bunch of christians living in Galatia and then the letter was delivered to them somehow; they had some really messed up thinking about spiritual concepts). (3) Work at grasping WHAT did the author want for them to understand or change or whatever (Paul wished for them to grasp some key truths and see how they thought they were doing the right thing but were really far off and they really needed a huge shove by him in the right direction). (4) Think about whether the concepts that were aimed at that original audience have merit in your own life. Can their issues and solutions for them at that time be applied to you now? Is there insight for you, too? It's nice to be open to that idea that you, too, can benefit from that original purpose.
<p>And finally, (5) When someone quotes a small portion from that book, you can remind yourself what the CONTEXT was at that time for that audience. This so totally depends on your having done 1 through 4, huh? Many of us have NO CLUE about the context. And when we have no clue, we're vulnerable to running with whatever point the speaker wishes to make. That's risky.</p>
<p>Point made. I could stop there. I'll finish with a story. I laughed (negatively, shaking my head) while hearing a radio teacher introducing the section of bible that tradition calls "the beatitudes". (I really, really like this teacher's teaching, so it's nice to say that he otherwise does an excellent job. ) The teacher introduced his teaching on "the beatitudes" by saying that "in the middle of that is the word 'attitudes'". He followed that thought for a bit, encouraging us to have the right attitudes. That sounds so heart-warming and spiritual and appropriate, doesn't it? But that was so incredibly wrong.</p>
<p>The listening audience would not so quickly catch the immediate error, that the real word starts with "beat" and not "beatt" and that the word "attitudes" is not part of the word at all. Those who are willing to do the work of looking up the meaning of "beatitudes" find out it simply means "blessings". (What the heck? Why do we keep referring to Jesus speech to the crown on the hillside as "the beatitudes"? Why not just call it "the blessings"? Heh, that's the stuff of tradition and fear--"oo, it would be 'wrong' to say anything other than the traditional 'beatitudes'!" Noooo, it wouldn't be wrong. Come on, people, relax and use normal english for your audience. Call it blessings. I dare you to cross out the title in your bible and write in blessings :)</p>
<p>Oo, that's a nice segue to my post <a href="/2014/07/being-responsible-with-individual-words.html">Hey, that's not what the word means</a> where I teach you how to dig into specific words on your own with a very cool, FREE online resource, something I often use right in the middle of church while listening to a speaker, just to see if he or she is saying things that match the words or conflict with the words.</p>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-48056254254368575322012-09-01T16:15:00.000-07:002012-09-01T16:17:23.872-07:00To be a candle or to be a flashlight...<p><span class="dropcap">A</span> cheerful greeting too early in the morning may be counted as a curse."
<p>
<p>My sister laughs in recalling our school days where she'd walk down the stairs and yet again find me sitting at the base of the stairs with my sleepy face propped in my hands, enduring the time it would take for my body to begin cooperating with the schedule demanded by school.
<p>
<p>That proverb has fascinated me since my youth. Certainly, I could readily relate to the notion of the "curse"--morning greetings were mostly noise to me.
<p>
<p>I could also relate to the cheerful greeter in the proverb because I've seen people respond negatively to my joking, my "cheerfulness."
<p>
<p>Here is the easy, convenient-for-me interpretation of this proverb: "Hey, some people are just grumpy. Even when you've done something nice, they're going to take it wrong. That's their problem. I'm just going to keep being me." Yeah, there are grumpy people, and that's a bummer.
<p>
<p>Who doesn't want to be a bright spot, a light, a helper, a bringer of warmth? Consider when you are grieving or hurting: you can probably think of cheerful people you would like to be with and just as easily think of cheerful people who you want to keep away. Among your talkative friends are those you like listening to and others who drain you. Among your listening friends are those who clear the way for you to open up and those who add to a sense of risk for you to keep answer their questions. Both are of value--talkers and listeners--yet either can be a healer at one time and a drainer in another.
<p>
<p>The proverb has contribute to my pondering both sides. A lifetime of detecting that some joking was untimely or inappropriate has reinforced these additional interpretations of the proverb: "My idea of 'cheerful' may actually be inappropriate." And "What I consider to be the perfect gift may actually not be." Hm.
<p>
<p>The risk for me is not releasing my grip on a blindspot. I'd rather not consider that the "curse" may in fact be partly due to my insensitivity to the other person's needs or state of mind.
<p>
<p>As Dad was declining, many folks visited. Without doubt, each was clearly motivated by incredibly good intent. Bravo, yes? What a beautiful thing that anyone would extend such care. Nearly all were life-bringers. Their variety in personality and variety in offerings were beautiful. And we also observed some head-scratchers and even some life-drainers. A lady came and loudly sang a long song that was interesting to her. And a couple came and talked all about their interests and goings-on and we just listened till they left.
<p>
<p>If you're thinking, "Oh no! Have I been one of those drainers?" my response is that reaction right away demonstrates a great thing: thoughtfulness and alertness and openness to insight. In contrast, the folks I mentioned are ones who I'd consider either not so self-aware or not open to the notion that their gift is anything but perfect. I would never expect these people to ask, "How might I be more of a life-bringer and less of a drainer next time?" Take to heart that you have gifts and characteristics unique to you and you can use them to bring life. You don't have to be like someone else and their style. Go and encourage!
<p>
<p>And so this proverb has served as a reminder that I need to be open to the possibility that I, the "cheerful greeter," have some responsibility in this exchange. I continually have an opportunity to consider what might work better next time.
<p>
<p>Candles are a beautiful touch at a wedding or in a restaurant. They're an appropriate light in that setting. But in a mine collapse, a candle wouldln't be so smart. "Hey, I'm bringing light into this darkness! Of course I'm doing a good thing! That's my gift to you all!" But it's draining the room of oxygen. A flashlight would be appreciated in that setting. And a flashlight would be annoying in a wedding candelabra. How am I going to know what is best?
<p>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-21731051877952969042011-03-13T22:22:00.000-07:002011-03-13T23:23:06.698-07:00Do you have your Sauls?<span class="dropcap">I</span> have the books of Samuel in mp3 form. Been listening to them here and there over the last few weeks as I drive to and from work. Quite the drama of Saul versus David.<br /><br />Saul is King. Saul is really bent on killing David, running Saul's men all over the place in pursuit of this dog David. <br /><br />David is on the run. There's a time when he's living in one of the cities of his enemies, having convinced the enemy he's now on their side. At other times, he's living in various caves. Yep, he's not safe at home; there's not really a home for him.<br /><br />At some of David's actions, I stare blankly with eyebrows raised, uncertain what to make of them (killing this person, that person, wiping out someone's flocks). If some of those details weren't there, I'd more readily side with David. But overall, when I compare the lives of Saul and David as conveyed in the scriptures, I'm rooting for David, flaws and all. His having God's blessing or approval or annointing is a key part of that. His being the underdog is a key part of that. (His father Jesse went through all of his other sons first as likely choices when Samuel went looking for God's next annointed king. His response strikes me like this: "Do I have another son? Yeah, if you must know, there's David. He's... he's out there with the sheep. Seriously? David?")<br /><br />On two different occasions, Saul has camped with his men while in pursuit of David, and David has snuck in and taken something and then alerted Saul from a safe distance that he was right there and could've taken his life, but far be it from him to touch God's annointed. And, one of those beautiful things about Saul, Saul has a reality check and responds with some humility, responds with kindness to David for David's kindness. Things are all better, well, at least till the next day or so when Saul is back to hating and pursuing David.<br /><br />Quite a band of men has joined David. Men in flight themselves because they're not in the best place in their lives; they're in debt or are criminals or something; they don't fit in back home, etc. Strikes me they're a bunch of guys who aren't keen on answering to authority. I suspect they're also well aware that David has won several victories on Saul's behalf yet Saul now chases David in order to kill him--they have to be aware of this unfairness. I would think that that partly motivates them to side with the underdog. (And they all go off together and kill sheep and stuff.) They're on David's side, they don't like Saul, they know Saul's after their Main Man David, they've witnessed firsthand how David has spared Saul's life. These are all reasons that they should want to destroy Saul, I think. They are specifically aligned with David who is most certainly specifically being pursued by Saul.<br /><br />Saul dies, commits suicide rather than be killed by the enemy. Along comes some enemy of Saul's who takes his body, cuts off his head, and sticks his body up on some wall for all to see. Accordingly, the pursuit of David is over. Someone comes to David with this report, no doubt wanting to be the bringer of news that would bring some relief to David (and some reward for the messenger?).<br /><br />I'd be thinking that David and his band of debtors and rebels would let out a huge cheer. David started his flight from Saul alone, I think. Later, folks started coming alongside him. He now has this big group of guys following him around, fighting various tribes, and they have families back home somewhere. Certainly, it's settling in for them that there will a new form of rest (between flock slaughters), that this mean King Saul is no longer pursuing them. What a relief!<br /><br />Yet what is their response? David goes into mourning. His men go into mourning. At the heart of their mourning: King Saul has been God's annointed, and now he was dead. There isn't mention of parties. The text is about them mourning. ("What...?")<br /><br />That's been a fascinating thing to ponder. I have Sauls in my life. What can I learn from this? Am I supposed to learn something from this?<br /><br />King Saul was a fascinating character. Throughout his life, he prayed to God, asked God for direction, praised God for outcomes, etc. Though I wouldn't consider him a godly figure, I still see those earmarks of God awareness, of not forgetting God. I see that in my Sauls as well: folks who go to church, talk to God, do beautiful things in other places. Of course: I'm not fond of any unresolved issues or injustice, any unrelenting opposition, any false claims against me, any withholding of love. Yet, there's an example here via David. Mourning, of all things; mourning that one who God had annointed had died. I guess David's focus was not on the interpersonal nastiness but rather on God--ala, "May YOUR name be set apart as holy. May YOUR will be done, here on earth just like it is in your heavenly dwelling." That's not my natural perspective, not my automatic response. I need reminders like this to correct my course.<br /><br />I was out for a walk the other day, having just had a Saul nipping at my heels. I took verses with me to steer my thinking, the verses mentioned in the blog post just before this one. Those verses helped me again to strain to look the right direction: to God. I say strain because it is most definitely not a single moment where I just look toward God and am smiley and all's fixed and I've already forgotten what got me out on the walk. No, it's strain because it may only be 30 seconds before I'm back fomenting about whatever grievance and I have to shake my mental head to attempt to regrasp Who it is that I need to be looking to for my help, for my care, for my defense. I am to rest. I am to trust.<br /><br />I doubt that David and his men mourned that the mean Saul guy was gone. I'm thinking that their mourning was over the tragedy of God's annointed gone bad. This world has gone bad. This isn't the best that God meant for. Mankind screwed it up. It's sad to lose loved ones. It's sad to lose enemies and never see resolution of losses. I don't know what all their mourning was about, but I think that a key part of it was out of respect for God, out of honoring God, out of conveying to God that they understood that things weren't the best that they should've been, and that the ideal was for all to follow God. They were God-centered in that gesture. That suprised me.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-24604673888140655962011-01-19T16:37:00.000-08:002011-01-19T20:58:10.490-08:00My Commander, if I choose<span class="dropcap">I</span> went for a walk today to <i>work</i> on making a much-needed mental shift and effort to connect with God and consider His Word.<br /><br />Back in 2005, I typed up these verses and have kept them with me at work. I took them on my walk with me.<br /><br />- Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart. I will see the goodness of the Lord.<br /><br />- The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.<br /><br />- In quietness and trust is your strength.<br /><br />- The battle belongs to the Lord.<br /><br />- Blessed is the man who puts his trust in the Lord.<br /><br />- Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.<br /><br />- ...until you arrive in the place of rest the Lord will give to you.<br /><br />- There is a full complete rest still waiting for the people of God.<br /><br />- (a line from a gospel song) Will you trust me or will you fear?<br /><br />Things that came to mind on my walk:<br /><br />- My habit of late has not been to wait, nor to wait for the Lord, not to look to the Lord to fight for me.<br /><br />- In some cases, I have denied that there is a battle. By my actions, I have aligned with and settled in with the enemy. While I should be viewing the enemy as my enemy and acting according to how God would have me deal with enemies, I have taken wrong sides.<br /><br />- In recognizing a battle, I need to hold back and look to God. In contrast, I have been entering some battles with weapons of my choosing and with decisions of my own about how to go about the battle and for what ends. By my actions, I convey that I have not considered God as the Lord in this battle but am operating without the Lord. My agitation and fear are reminders that I'm not operating in quietness and trust in the Lord.<br /><br />I've got work to do.<br /><br /><hr width="200"><br /><br />What's the purpose of observing a low point such as this? My thinking: those who are doing just fine don't need encouragement. Those in a slump sure need it more, sure need that ray of hope, that nudge in the right direction. Reflecting on my own nudge in the right direction--surely there is someone else out there who finds themself in a slump and thoughts like these may be timely. I'll be out of the slump. It's in that expectation that I write and encourage my fellow traveler.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-51315627446923311322009-09-21T00:04:00.000-07:002009-09-21T19:41:10.147-07:00A soul exercised<span class="dropcap">I</span> have created Google Earth markers for somewhere between 500 and 700 of the locations of photos on phoons.com (<a target=_blank "http://phoons.com/o/coords.html">background</a>). There are more than 4000 Phoons, so I have a loooong way to go. <br /><br />Aha! It occurred to me that I have a file that contains the stories that accompany the photos. Those stories include the city information. What if I could bulk convert the city information into Google Earth markers? Sure, the markers would not be accurate; they'd just be central to each city; but at least I'd be creating markers in the general area and get closer to my goal far faster. And, so, I made a copy of the data file and began whittling it down to city details.<br /><br />Fortunately, most of the city/story details in this file are in a very consistent form and I was able to bulk-convert most of the lines to city names in just a few minutes. The rest I'd have to read individually and hand-tweak to the form that I needed before I could convert the whole list to Google Earth markers.<br /><br />I found I was typing "Portland, Oregon" a lot. I was encountering story after story written by my sister Jan. Her stories, written in a certain span of years, did not fit the pattern that cleaned up easily in the prior bulk conversion. And, so, now, here I was having to read story after story to trim down to city details. And I was being immersed in her journey with cancer: there were nurses and doctors who phooned at her request, fellow chemo patients who phooned (one lady boldly pulled her wig off to phoon with shiny scalp); family members phooned on an overpass between hospital buildings, Matt visited her in the hospital in the days before dating his future bride (Jan's daughter). Story after story. Wham, wham, wham. Jan, Jan, Jan.<br /><br />There was extra intensity to this because of the month and because of this weekend. It's September. Jan died two years ago this month. And Dan, once her husband, is here this weekend, visiting Mom and me with his new wife Denise. What a wonderful gal; what a fortunate man. Dan reminded me that he and his son A.J. had visited us some time in the last two years. I remember that visit as well as I don't remember most of elementary school, likely fallout from grief. What I remember as his last trip was him and Jan working in Mom's garage to help sort things. On their trip home, Jan's body went goofy and the emergency room folks x-rayed to find a bunch of big brain tumors that had seemed to give her no trouble in her days here. (A few days later, Jan wrote about it in her typical <a target="_blank" href="http://phoons.com/cgi/jan/jan.pl?m=det&num=34">light-hearted, God-trusting style</a>.) What dear people Dan and Denise are. I cried with joy at their wedding, rejoicing in God's provision for each of them. I grieved then and grieved this week at not yet "having my own." I wouldn't be surprised that I will forever have unresolved loss around my sister's life, my sister's dying, and my sister's death. I'm so glad to have had this time with Dan and Denise. The scatteredness of this paragraph is fortunately not representative of how I have handled this weekend. It has been a delight to love when it's time to love. There has been a considerable weight, too, and I have found that I have needed more sleep.<br /><br />And here's this Phoon story activity that flooded my thinking with Jan and her gifts in the middle of her cancer. Well, I got to the point where I wasn't up for continuing to swim in those thoughts any more at the moment. Blogging seemed like a good outlet in this moment. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-33344421630284919992009-09-06T23:00:00.000-07:002009-09-07T00:57:36.585-07:00Unsettled by Dad<span class="dropcap">F</span>our years since losing Dad. Last week, he and I walked around my house and talked about the different rooms. He magically pushed through a wall and led me into a room I had never seen before, beautifully furnished with old everything, like from a museum. After a bit, I awoke from the dream.<br /><br />Whoa, that was powerful. There was a depth to it like I hadn't experienced in a long time. It was good to see him, good to remember that man I valued. Soon after, though, I felt the pain of missing him. The pain outweighed the good feeling in the dream. I was shaken for a couple of days.<br /><br />Last night, I went to church service. As we made our way through the many songs that kicked off the service, I observed that the African American man directly ahead of me continued to receive hugs and hand grips from those nearby. As is our tradition there, midway into the service, singing continues and folks are invited to slip out of their seats and make their way to the front; some stand, some kneel. While there's nothing magical about the front of the church versus the back or even the inside of the building, it's definitely evidence of something big going on for your heart that you'd leave the comfort and anonymity of your seat, make people shift so you can get out of your aisle, and end up in front with a bunch of other folks. The man ahead of me slipped out to head forward. Two brothers slipped out and hung their hands on his shoulders as they joined him to the front. On his return, he got more hugs. Another guy discretely slipped a handful of tissues into this guy's hand.<br /><br />I knew that "meet and greet" time was coming in the service when we'd have the chance to say hello to folks around us we don't know. I remember how bizarre and how emotional it was to go to church for the first time after Dad died. No one else feels your particular loss; many of them are just enjoying participating in the joyful-feeling, toe-tapping singing. "This is supposed to be joyful, right?" was part of the storm of thinking on that Sunday long ago. And as we now continued in joyful song, my heart grew heavy from thinking of what this young man was probably going through. What was it like for him to be in the middle of joyous singing? What would "meet and greet" time be like for him?<br /><br />Meet and greet time arrived and folks rose to their feet to begin the dance of who to connect with first. I dropped my hand on his shoulder from behind, and he rotated around. I used our shaking hands to pull him closer. "People are lovin' on ya like you lost someone," I said with a straight look in his eyes. "Yeah," he said. "Who did you lose?" "My father just passed away," he said.<br /><br />In hindsight, I'm a little embarrassed at my actions--were they more about me in the moment than about where he might be at?--but I was genuine then and emotionally I meant it for him: I pulled this stranger close, hugging him. I told him I was so sorry, that I understood because I'd lost my father. I tried to express my understanding of the significance. He relaxed into the hug and conveyed this was a huge loss for him. <br /><br />Yeah, there was a beauty in seeing folks rally around this guy, offering loving words, hugs. And I remember now how beautiful it was to me in the weeks and months after losing Dad how love came from so many people, how people I didn't know very well told me of their love for Dad or of how he had touched their lives. I guess I just wanted to be part of that memory for this guy, to be part of the wave of love that he needs right now, even from strangers. Maybe I got it wrong; maybe I was out of place. But I'm thinking the benefit of my love outweighed any oddity in my reaching out. Hoping.<br /><br />That was it. The service went on, and I met with other folks after the service.<br /><br />Last week, before I had that dream, I emailed the church and asked if I could help out in any way in their upcoming Grief Share program for those facing losses of all sorts. Interesting that I had these two events since then. They intensified my awareness that there's loss all around us. Loss goes on. We need to share in the journey. Will that guy be in the group? 'twill be interesting to see.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-27466094528435077522008-02-23T14:56:00.000-08:002008-02-24T23:10:24.505-08:00Scott and Joanne: what I'll remember<span class="dropcap">A</span>n image is etched in my mind because of the story you told of your lives. You went to China for a Summer to teach English and share your lives. The Chinese students were eager to get this higher quality of English on their resumes yet had no idea what treat was in store for them.<br /><br /><p>Quickly they were drawn to you. You were no ordinary teachers. Scott, you conveyed facts and principles, and you surprised and delighted them with grand expressions and acts, even silliness. Joanne, you covered them with the love of a mother. Their prejudices and assumptions about Americans were shattered as they came to know--to experience--the love and friendship that you had for each other and that you extended to them.<br /><br /><p>The thing that stands out most, the thing that continues to echo in my mind after all these year after your trip and your telling the story, was your discussion with them about relational love. You drew a zigzag diagram illustrating a common problem: people in relationships where the attraction and interest declines and, instead of hanging in their, the parties go look for new excitement. The graph rises! But it shows the same descent until those parties part to find new relationships, and so the up and down continues. A common pattern. A socially-accepted pattern. But such relationships missed out on developing true love. If I remember right, you sketched a zigzag of your own relationship--you acknowledged pits you experienced in life--yet you reflected on how your <i>commitment</i> led to a graph that worked its way back up, as mutual love won out over personal satisfaction. <br /><br /><p>No doubt, I heard parts of the story wrong and have come up with the wrong details here. But what sticks in my mind is that you were in a place in your lives to be able to convey that story and you <i>did</i> convey that story, and not only to them but indirectly to me. And since then I have gotten to see you live it out in so many ways. <br /><br /><p>Scott, it is with excellence that you have lived that out. Joanne, it is with excellence that you have lived that out. Oh my gosh--that is exactly what a family needs to see and experience and have etched into their minds. Scott, you crafted a message and <a target="_blank" href="http://www.tiger-photography.com/MP3/02-03-2008_Scott_Huddleson.mp3">presented it</a> to your fellow church goers. I was silenced as you laid out your stark journey of this last year for you and for Joanne. This excellence of living--it was obvious throughout your story as you spoke lovingly of Joanne and of those who have cared and will care for each of you. <br /><br />And, as I said, these are the things that last for us! It is these kinds of things that I recall about Dad and about Jan, examples of love, humility, kindness, wisdom... In your living right, you have created this precious gift for us in the years to come.<br /><br /><p>I love you,<br /><br>JohnJohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-87559485628275588962007-09-29T23:59:00.000-07:002007-11-25T04:27:50.090-08:00Miss ya, JanArticles by Jan: <a target=_blank href="http://phoons.com/blog/images/ReluctantSailor.html">Dear Helen</a> <a target=_blank href="http://phoons.com/blog/images/divineWrestlingMatch.html">A Divine Wrestling Match</a> <br /><br /><span class="dropcap">T</span>here are a handful of conversations with my sister that I'll never forget.<br /><br /><p>While her cancer took her body down from 2000 to now, I witnessed the opposite in her spirit: a beautiful transformation, a great growth. I'd known the phrase "the God of Abraham" all my life. Because of the work of God that I saw her life in these last years, this phrase because rich in meaning to me: "the God of Jan." I wanted what I saw in her life. I want what I saw in her life. These were deeply personal things for me, not something I could easily express to her. But I was able to a couple of times in the last couple of years. I won't forget this phrase.<br /><br /><p>While awaiting a surgery, she called family members from the hospital. It was hard for me to speak up in a time that might turn out to be my last conversation with her yet easy for me to choose the words that were of great significance to me: "Jan, I'm so proud of you." And I heard the controlled tears in her pointed response, "I'm so proud of you, too." I won't forget that. I'll see you again," I said. I could hear her smile in her response: "Yes, I'll see you again."<br /><br /><p>A few weeks ago, Jan's husband called Mom from the hospital. Jan was alert, and it was an opportunity for Jan and Mom to connect. Mom called me in and handed the phone over to me. To my surprise, I heard Jan's cheerful voice. What would I talk about in this precious yet awkward opportunity? Looking out the window, I saw the beautiful flowers in Mom's garden and recalled Jan's enjoyment of beautiful gardens. I described to her the dark blue lobelia under the lavender cosmos. I heard sounds of satisfaction. I "complained" about Mom not letting me move the orange tiger lilies out of the section of garden that was otherwise pinks, lavenders and blue. Her response was a sort of chuckle. I couldn't really understand what she said after that. I told her that I loved her and that I knew she loved me.<br /><br /><p>Today, she's free. That's one of several things that I envy about her.<br /><br /><p>When I try some new combination of herbs and spices and hit on a winner, I'll hurt that I can't share my experience with her, the gourmet cook in our family. When I learn something new about flowers or groom the garden into a cluttered palette of colors, I'll hurt that I can't share those details with her, one who worked her garden with her husband as often as possible. I'll miss that I can't talk with her when I'm in a tough spot, I'll miss the embrace of her words of kindness, her words of strength when life brought challenges, her words of wisdom that might include rebuke, her prayers for my well-being.<br /><br /><p>Oh to be able to share my new creations, my music, my art with her, one who always encouraged me on, one who always exuded life, even when I called at some crazy late hour when I "decided" that her body probably wasn't letting her sleep anyway. Her longings for what I longed for will echo in my soul.<br /><br /><p>I only got to watch remotely as the God of Jan loved those who were around her... fellow chemo patients poured out their hearts, nurses poured out their hearts, families from church poured out their hearts to this one who had grown in compassion and insight for the great good of so many others.<br /><br /><p>With great honor I will be known as "Jan's brother." Jan, I'm so proud of you.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-29071055320368859992007-03-16T01:54:00.000-07:002010-02-28T21:19:52.954-08:00...but be transformed by the renewing of your mind<span class="dropcap&version=31">A</span> week ago, I listened to a message in which the speaker slipped in this advice: don't ask people what they think I should do in my situation but instead ask people what God's word says God says I should do. A fascinating insight. Recently, I've sought out advice, received unsolicited advice, shot from the hip, myself...and wavered between trust and turmoil as I hope for my head and heart to stop spinning. I have not been good about seeking out God's advice.<br /><br />My sister Jan sent me an email tonight. She didn't really offer any of her own specific thoughts; mainly just these verses. Wow. How fitting. How calming, cleansing; convicting, correcting, quieting. I am encouraged to be reminded that even the fire is of benefit when I'm continuing to be crafted by God. I got God's advice, and it was good.<br /><br />I want you to experience peace in the midst of your storm, too. And so I pass on the encouragement that was passed on to me.<br /><br /><center><hr width="50%"></center><br />John,<br /><br />Verses that God gave me for you...<br /><br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2050:20&version=31">Genesis 50:20</a> As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what man meant for evil.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%204:10-12&version=31">Exodus 4:10-12</a> But Moses pleaded with the Lord, "I am not a good speaker. I never have been and am clumsy with words." The Lord replied, "Who makes mouths, who makes people so they can speak or not, hear or not, see or not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go and do as I have told you. I will help you speak well, and I will tell you what to say."<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Numbers%2023:19&version=31">Numbers 23:19</a> God is not a man that He should lie. He is not a human, that He should change His mind. Has He ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%206:4&version=31">Deuteronomy 6:4</a> You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2032:39&version=31">Deuteronomy 32:39</a> See now that I, I am He, and there is no god besides Me; it is I who put to death and give life. I have wounded, and it is I who heal; and there is no one who can deliver from My hand.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Chronicles%204:9,10&version=31">1 Chronicles 4:9,10</a> Jabez prayed to the Lord. "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territories! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain-–keep me from causing pain too." And God answered his request.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Chronicles%207:14&version=31">2 Chronicles 7:14</a> If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, the I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Chronicles%2031:21&version=31">2 Chronicles 31:21</a> Hezekiah sought God wholeheartedly. As a result he was very successful.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Chronicles%2032:7,8&version=31">2 Chronicles 32:7,8</a> Be strong and courageous. We have the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles for us!<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%2023:10&version=31">Job 23:10</a> But He knows where I am going. And when He has tested me like gold in a fire, He will pronounce me innocent.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%2038:1&version=31">Job 38:1</a> Then the Lord answered Job from [in the midst of] the storm. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%209:9,10&version=31">Psalm 9:9,10</a> The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for You.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2019:13,14&version=31">Psalm 19:13,14</a> Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You, O Lord, my rock and redeemer.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2025:15&version=31">Ps. 25:15</a> My eyes are always looking to the Lord for help; for He alone can rescue me from the traps of my enemies.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2027:1&version=31">Ps. 27:1</a> The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord protects me from danger—so why should I tremble?<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2027:11&version=31">Ps. 27:11</a> Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the path of honesty, for my enemies are waiting for me to fall. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2027:13&version=31">Ps. 27:13</a> Yet I am confident that I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2032:7&version=31">Ps. 32:7</a> You are my hiding place; You protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2034&version=31">Ps. 34</a> Read ALL of it.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2037:3-5&version=31">Ps. 37:3-5</a> Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord, trust Him and He will help you. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2062:11,12&version=31">Ps. 62:11,12</a> God has spoken plainly, and I have heard it many times: Power, O God, belongs to you. Unfailing love, O Lord, is Yours.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%20119:67,68,71&version=31">Ps. 119:67,68,71</a> I used to wander off until You disciplined me--but now I closely follow your word. You are good and do only good...teach me Your principles. The suffering you sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to Your principles.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%20119:105&version=31">Ps. 119:105</a> Your Word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20139&version=31">Psalm 139</a> Read ALL of it...especially verse%2023 and%2024.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%203:5,6&version=31">Proverbs 3:5,6</a> Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2015:1,4,14,22&version=31">Proverbs 15:1,4,14,22</a> A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. Gentle words bring life and health. A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash. Plans go wrong for lack of advice—many counselors bring success.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Prov.%2017:28&version=31">Prov. 17:28</a> Even fools are thought to be wise when they keep silent: when they keep their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Prov.%2018:17&version=31">Prov. 18:17</a> Any story sounds true until someone tells the other side [sets the record straight]. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Prov.%2018:21&version=31">Prov. 18:21</a> Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Prov.%2025:8,21,22,24&version=31">Prov. 25:8,21,22,24</a> Don't be in a hurry to go to court. You might go down before your neighbors in shameful defeat. So discuss the matter with them privately. Don't tell anyone else, or others may accuse you of gossip. Then you will never regain your good reputation. If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink. You will heap burning coals on their heads, and the Lord will reward you.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Prov.%2026:4,5&version=31">Prov. 26:4,5</a> When arguing with fools, don't answer their foolish arguments, or you will become as foolish as they are.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Prov.%2028:13&version=31">Prov. 28:13</a> People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Prov.%2029:1,20&version=31">Prov. 29:1,20</a> Whoever stubbornly refuse to accept criticism will suddenly be broken beyond repair. There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%204:9,10,12&version=31">Ecclesiastes 4:9,10,12</a> Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2043:1,2&version=31">Isaiah 43:1,2</a> The Lord who created you says, "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you."<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2043:19&version=31">Isaiah 43:19</a> "For I am about to do a brand-new thing," says the Lord. See I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness for my people to come home. I will create rivers for them in the desert."<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2054:17&version=31">Isaiah 54:17</a> But in that day, no weapon turned against you will succeed. And everyone who tells lies in court will be brought to justice. The servants of the Lord enjoy these benefits; their vindication will come from me. I the Lord have spoken. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2055:8,9&version=31">Isaiah 55:8,9</a> My thoughts are completely different from yours, says the Lord. And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than yours.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah%201:4&version=31">Jeremiah 1:4</a> I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah%2017:14&version=31">Jeremiah 17:14</a> O Lord, You alone can heal me: You alone can save. My praises are for You alone.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah%2029:11-13&version=31">Jeremiah 29:11-13</a> For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for Me in earnest, you will find Me when you seek me. I will be found by you.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jer.%2032:17&version=31">Jer. 32:17</a> O Sovereign Lord, You have made the heavens and earth by your great power. Nothing is too hard for You.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Lamentations%203:22&version=31">Lamentations 3:22</a> The unfailing love of the Lord never ends. By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Lamentations%203:55-58&version=31">Lamentations 3:55-58</a> I called upon You from deep within the well, and You heard me! You listened to my pleading; You heard my weeping. You came at my despairing cry and told me... Do not fear! Lord You are my lawyer! Plead my case! Be my judge, and prove me right.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Habakkuk%201:5&version=31">Habakkuk 1:5</a> The Lord replied, "Watch and be astounded at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it."<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%208:31,36&version=31">John 8:31,36</a> Jesus said, "You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. If the Son sets you free, you will indeed be free."<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%208:28,38&version=31">Romans 8:28,38</a> And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes for them. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can't and life can't. <br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1&20Corinthians%2013:4-7&version=31">I Corinthians 13:4-7</a> Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians%205:22&version=31">Galatians 5:22</a> When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%204:31,32&version=31">Ephesians 4:31,32</a> [These behaviors grieve the Holy Spirit] so get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander... Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%206:10-18&version=31">Ephesians 6:10-18</a> Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all the strategies and tricks of the Devil. ... Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News. In every battle you will need your faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Pray at all times and on all occasions in the power of the Holy Spirit.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%202:13,14&version=31">Philippians 2:13,14</a> For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him. In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing, so that no one can speak a word of blame against you.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%204:4–8&version=31">Philippians 4:4–8</a> Always be full of joy in the Lord. Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Don't worry about anything—instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and don't forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Phil.%204:13&version=31">Phil. 4:13</a> For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.<br /><a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians%203:12,13&version=31">Colossians 3:12,13</a> Since God chose you to be the holy people whom HE loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.<br /><br />Love, <br />Jan<br /><br /><center><hr width="50%"></center><br /><center><br /><i><br />I look to you for guidance,<br />deliverance and strength<br />In the midst of all my troubles<br />~ I will wait for you ~<br /><br />I am confident that I will see<br />Your goodness in my heart<br />I will wait for you, O Lord<br />~ I will wait for you ~<br /><br />Wait for the Lord<br />Be strong and take heart<br />I will see the goodness of<br />the Lord<br /><br />Wait for the Lord<br />Be strong and take heart<br />I will see the goodness of<br />the Lord<br /></i><br /></center>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-44787692298340228842007-02-27T23:00:00.000-08:002007-02-28T21:22:08.414-08:00A toast to God, and fun with lasers[No profound points to be made here. Keep moving. Nothing to see here. Unless you just need a story to read.]<br /><br />A month ago, a number of departments went offsite for an afternoon of relaxing with hors d'oeuvres (correct pronunciation: "horse doovers") and games of <a target="_blank" href="http://www.phoons.com/bocce.html">bocce ball</a>. Those who arrived early received raffle tickets, and I, rare winner of anything, won a bottle of Gruet champagne and a group "Oooo..." I don't recognize the name, so I don't know if it's good or not--but hey! I won something!<br /><br />As I left the event, I heard a clicking with the speed of my front wheel, akin to a playing card stuck into a bike wheel by a kid. I grew concerned that the transmission I'd paid for a few years ago was starting to fail. The sound went away after a few miles.<br /><br />Two nights ago near an intersection, I punched the gas and then heard heard new, loud grinding sounds. "Whoa!" Transmission. The sound went away when gears shifted as I picked up speed. I nursed the car home, doing what I could to avoid stopping and being in first gear again. Whew, made it home.<br /><br />The good news in the back of my mind was that the transmission might still be under warranty. The bad news was that I didn't know where the warranty paperwork was. Over the months, I had accumulated and not processed a bunch of items mailed to me. "Accumulated" should not be interpreted as "in one single place." Same for paperwork such as the warranty. Was it in one of the boxes in the house? in the garage? Was it in my car?<br /><br />I inhaled and started poking through some of the boxes and piles. I continually asked God, "Please help me find it..." But soon I grew discouraged--I was dealing with my tangled web and also thinking about "what was the point of asking God?" It was easy in my discouragement to say that the majority of my prayers went unanswered over the years. I went away and eventually returned to poke some more and then get discouraged again.<br /><br />Later, I sat down in the recliner and picked up a book I'd recently started. I came to a section where the author talked about God not answering because we're not asking for the right things. He prodded us to ask God what it is that we really need to be praying about in our lives. <br /><br /><p class="aside1">I'm reminded of a message I listened to about praying. The speaker pointed out how so many of us might characterize our last year's worth of prayers as praying for little stuff--help me find a parking spot, help Billy on his exam, help me as I present the slides at the department meeting--little stuff that really would probably just work itself out anyway. The speaker challenged us to think and pray so hugely differently. I remember how eye opening that was for me and how it got me praying different that night. To start listening to that message, click <a target="_blank" href="http://www.northpoint.org/messages">here</a> and click one of the links next to 1/7/7's message called Asking Big (I like the "f" icon choice...it plays the video version).</p><br /><br />So, I stopped and, in my pain, expressed to God that I <i>wanted</i> help, I <i>wanted</i> to know what I should be praying about, that I hurt from not knowing. It wasn't about warranties or tax season. It was about life in general. That done, I moved on to the next chapter. In it, the author laid out a couple of things that he said he observed as key underlying problems for many who keep wrestling with life, key failures of people to grasp and deal with two key principles. I think that was a key answer I needed. (And I think the author knew it was probably the answer for many who were reading the book.) That was on my mind through the next day.<br /><br />Still, my heart ached from thinking I pray about various things and then see either no result or facing yet another loss. And when I got up the next morning, here were a bunch of emails announcing that a bunch of my stocks had been automatically sold in my account for $0 each. Ugh. Another mess to straighten out. I ached for connection with God, for something I could point to and say, by golly, God heard me, or God blessed me in that, even just that one thing.<br /><br />Mom and I went out to dinner. Talking about the things above helped lighten my load; and it enabled me to inhale and try praying again, something I haven't really wanted to do much of. I wanted to shift gears and re-reach out to God as an acknowledgement that that's right to do and acknowledgement that he's never left me, never stopped hearing me. I interrupted Mom to say I wanted to pray and wanted her to join with me. I told God how I wanted to find that paperwork, and if God wouldn't provide that, would he help the transmission guy find some paperwork that could help out, or would God show me whatever way could help me get this covered by warranty.<br /><br />Back at Mom's place, Mom generously offered to help sort envelopes and paperwork with me. It didn't take very long to get through the collection...and we didn't find the warranty. However, there was now one pile of stock paperwork. That was GREAT because I knew I had to gather all of that at some point for tax season. And I found a call to jury duty which I had overlooked. Not great! The jury summons noted that failure to appear could lead to a $1000 fine and several days in jail. Ugh. More stress as I waited for 8 am to arrive.<br /><br />After sorting paperwork, I had a pile of paper which I tossed in the fireplace. Smoke spilled into the room, setting off the ear-piercing alarms in each room. Mom scrambled to open windows and doors and I scrambled to yank 9V batteries. Sigh. All windows and doors open. It's raining out. It's cold outside. We're standing outside the garage to avoid breathing the smoke as it clears.<br /><br />Well, there was the opportunity to look in another place of my car for the warranty. And soon I found it. "Yay! There it is!" Mom added the tongue-in-cheek line, "Yep, it's always in the last place you look for it!" We hugged, knowing the relief that represented for me, and recalling our discussion about all of this. She expressed what was on my heart, too: thanks to God. Sure, this might've been one of those things that would have "just worked itself out" in whatever form and at whatever expense, but, still, it was nice to get a break, get a bit of relief in the string of stresses.<br /><br />In this moment of relief and of some tiredness from the day's and evening's activities, Mom said, "How about a glass of wine?" which we didn't have. Ah, but I had the unopened bottle of Gruet. "Ah, we'll have to get some special glasses for that," she said, as she grabbed some dark green goblets that bear zero resemblance to <a target="_blank" href="http://www.kromeriz.biz/czech-glass/gobblets01.jpg">these</a> or <a target="_blank" href="http://images.google.com/images?q=%62%6c%65%6e%64%65%72%73">these</a>. We planted ourselves on a bench on the front porch in the cold and I poured a couple of glasses. I also brought out a laser pointer I'd bought for my entertainment the day before as a replacement for one I'd had for years and broke.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">There are two things you must take with you on your next trip to a fish store: a mirror and a laser pen. You'll soon discover which fish think the light is food and chase it all over the tank and which fish could care less. The mirror is great for oscars and octopi who are territorial. Oscars will fan their fins and open their mouths. An octopus at an aquarium stayed crammed in a corner as onlookers grew bored and left. With a couple seconds of mirror facing the octopus, it quickly emerged from its lair and moved to the other side of the tank. A smug, satisfied smile for me, as I got to see the octopus that others missed.</p><br /><br />We picked up our glasses. "To God," Mom said, and we clinked glasses. I appreciated the sentiment, as unusual as it was to "toast God." We'd found the warranty. We'd consolidated the tax info. I'd made the house difficult to breathe in. I might have to pay some fine regarding jury duty.<br /><br />I handed her the laser pen and said, "Hey, see if you can find the reflector on that gray car way down the street there." And so we had fun for the next 20 minutes, pointing it at different things (license plates reeeeally light up), talking about how various reflectors are designed, pointing it at new stuff, laughing and talking together. It was good champagne, a good laser pen, and good company, and a relief to have found the warranty card and have the rest of my mess far more organized.<br /><br />We prayed about the jury duty thing. We went back inside and I read some more of the book to Mom, encouraging thoughts here, challenging thoughts there. More openness for both of us; that's good. It was good to have an answer to prayer. (Thanks, God, for slipping in one of those. Yet may I continue to do the hard work of asking even when I don't hear answers, taking you at your word when my emotions say to believe otherwise, trusting that you really do love me, even if what's best in your eyes may be for me to experience shadows.)<br /><br />This morning, I called the courthouse and expressed my stress at having found I'd missed the appointment. I offered to come "serve today, even!" I showed up, was added to "Panel 8" and that was the first group assigned to a courtroom. In the end, I was not selected and I fulfilled my jury requirement without having to check in by phone for days. And I faced no penalty. Two more things to be thankful for.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-82783853712323745092007-02-22T02:02:00.000-08:002007-02-22T02:18:26.741-08:00Talking to the heartOver a month ago, I searched the internet for the words "listen to sermon online." I didn't want to go to church. But I wanted to hear something scripture-based. The third link down was about North Point Community Church. I didn't know who they were, but I followed the link. There I found a list of topics from the last few years and the first one I listened to amazed me. (That all amazes me... a fairly random search, a fairly random selection from the list of matches, a fairly random choice from among this one list of messages--and it was better than a truckload of messages I've heard over the years.)<br /><br />I have listened to many of them since and was impressed enough at one point to think, "That would be reason enough for me to move there, to be part of what is going on in that community, to be in that healthy environment of growth."<br /><br />Are you new to christian spirituality and want to avoid churchy stuff? Listen to Andy Stanley...or any of the folks in the list. Wrestling with christianity after years of it? I tell ya, I'm impressed with the depth and power in these messages. I hope you will scan the list and try out a few.<br /><br />http://www.northpoint.org/messagesJohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-10403295232461429162007-02-07T23:34:00.000-08:002007-11-25T04:29:23.082-08:00Miss ya, DadLast night I went out and looked at the photo of you and Mom on the family room wall. I missed your friendship.<br /><br />It's been over a year and a half, and I still find it hard to look at your picture. But I needed to remember you, remember your friendship, remember how you'd listen to me, how you'd say "Hm" when you paused to take in the thoughts and form new ones and swirl those around in your gentle head.<br /><!--<p class="aside1">You probably don't know my Dad. So it's all the more odd for you to consider doing what I'm about to suggest: watch a couple of minutes of a <a target="_blank" href="http://www.darrowart.com/wp/?page_id=245">video</a> that my brother created about Dad's life. Everyone who has spoken up (and this includes people who never met him) speaks of two things: amazement at who he was and amazement at the video my brother created. Enjoy. (Oh, and read the helpful instructions in the blue box on that page.)</p>--><br />I wept as I remembered. A lot happened in the past years that would just make us silent, not understanding why things happened like they did. You might not have answers, but it was <img src="http://www.phoons.com/blog/images/johnsdadshands.jpg" align="right" /> comforting just to be able to talk to you and weep with you and pray together. And to reach over and hold your hand and feel your squeeze. Or to get a hug that reminded me of the strength with which you used to lift me and pop my back. It was just good to be with you and experience your love and friendship.<br /><br />I needed friendship. I needed to remember how beautiful was the friendship you extended to me. You'd understand with me where I'd failed; you'd recognize with me the little things I did that were steps in a good direction. You'd encourage me to press on.<br /><br />Mom's been such a good friend, too. She misses you so much. We long to be with you again. We have that hope. In my aching in missing you last night, I thought how my missing you paled to her missing you.<br /><br />Love, JohnJohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1167876356485444002007-01-03T18:02:00.000-08:002007-01-25T12:28:46.943-08:00Though the fields produce no food<span class="dropcap">I</span>t keeps coming back to "What will my response be?"<br /><br /><span style="clear:both"></span><br />Click the words "I Wanna Say Thank You" on the right hand side of <a target="_blank" href="http://myspace.com/saintswithavision">this page</a> to hear a song that goes along with this post. [Here are the <a target="_blank" href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=88406217&blogID=177461095"><i>lyrics</i></a>.] <br /><br />On this dark evening for my soul, I opened up a bible. I thought to flip through the book of Isaiah--no goal in particular other than looking for anything that would check my attitutes, my thinking, my heart. It was one of those rare occasions when the place I cracked the book happened to be a place with text that spoke to my needs.<br /><br />Here was a king, King Hezekiah, who had been quite ill, near death, and he regained health by God's kindness.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">I said, "In the prime of my life must I go through the gates of death and be robbed of the rest of my years?" I said, "I will not again see the LORD, the LORD, in the land of the living; no longer will I look on mankind, or be with those who now dwell in this world. Like a shepherd's tent my house has been pulled down and taken from me. Like a weaver I have rolled up my life, and he has cut me off from the loom; day and night you made an end of me. I waited patiently till dawn, but like a lion he broke all my bones; day and night you made an end of me. I cried like a swift or thrush, I moaned like a mourning dove. My eyes grew weak as I looked to the heavens. I am troubled; O Lord, come to my aid!"</p><br /><br />That dude had a rough journey. "Day and night you made an end of me." He suffered and was wearing out. He wanted help. At the same time, he had his sights on the end of his life. I have watched family members dying. I've felt at the end of my life before. I can't speak for them, but I can say I understand the "cut me off" and "made an end of me" sentiments.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">But what can I say? He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this. I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul.<br><br>Lord, by such things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too. You restored me to health and let me live.<br><br>Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.</p><br /><br />Whoa... Something happened in his life and in his heart that he was able to look back, even after remembering the points at which he hopelessly felt he was cut off and being made an end of, and know, really know that this was good for him.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.<br><br>For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise; those who go down to the pit cannot hope for your faithfulness.<br><br>The living, the living--they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about your faithfulness.<br><br>The LORD will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments all the days of our lives in the temple of the LORD.<br><br>--King Hezekiah, 687 B.C.</p><br /><br />Well, one huge recognition was that God loved him, loved him even with how ugly of a person he'd been, attitude-wise, rejecting God. What touched my heart most, though, in reading this was the detail about who it is that praises God: the living. Yeah, yeah, I know about life after death, and praise will go on in heaven (and much more easily, that's for sure). The detail here is that he saw the opportunity for praise <i>now</i>. "Keep me alive so I can praise you, so I can tell others about you" was the nature of his response.<br /><br />When I was 19, my view of life came out in these kinds of words to God: "I'm just a pawn on a chess board. Now that I'm here, you're going to just move me around on the board until you're done with me, and then you'll be done with me here on earth and I'll go to heaven. Ya know, I'd much rather be in heaven!"<br /><br />I called my sister Jan one evening and talked about my discouragement. She suggested we both go and read the letter written by Paul to the group of believers in the town of <a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%201:23;&version=65;">Philippi</a>. I wasn't familiar with it. I read along and then was wide-eyed when I hit this.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">If I had to choose right now, I hardly know which I'd choose. Hard choice! The desire to break camp here and be with Christ is powerful. Some days I can think of nothing better. But most days, because of what you are going through, I am sure that it's better for me to stick it out here.</p><br /><br />Paul had kinda said what I was thinking: "I'd rather die and be with Christ." But he followed that by saying it was more important for him to remain here with them. Someone who could relate to my interest in ending this life (ok, not quite) was also saying there was good in him staying, a compelling reason. What was that reason, I wondered! And in my ongoing reading, one of the impressions I was left with was that whatever I was going through, whether enjoying the successes of this life or facing suffering, I needed a different attitude about God. I had the opportunity, regardless of what I was going through, to be beautiful toward God, to honor God, to praise God. Which attitude of mine would he enjoy more--me kicking at that which was around me while ignoring him, or turning to face him in my suffering and sharing a smile, sharing a relationship, thinking of and telling him about things I appreciated about him, about his character, about his artistic ability, about kindness I'd seen shown to others--even doing that when I could not see goodness coming my way? That's what I could do--praise him, honor him. And that new thinking, and seeing that in Paul in his letters to the believers, that brought peace at many points in my life. (And I'm in need of returning to that again!)<br /><br />Reading King Hezekiah's prayer reminded me of another place where the author noted that praise would still be his choice. Habakkuk was a guy who looked at the suffering going on in his country (famine, for example) and spoke out in anger to God about that. I'd sum up God's response to him as, "I know. But this suffering is what they need right now. There are some things they have not yet learned."<br /><br />I envy Habakkuk. He not only got an answer from God but he got a reason. It definitely cannot be said that all suffering is for people to learn something. But in this case, it most definitely was, and now Habakkuk knew.<br /><br />When I read the following text, I see Habakkuk as having shifted position, having changed his view of things. Earlier, he was angry with a God who he viewed as cruel for no reason. Now, he was aware that God's actions were not purposeless; God's actions were born out of commitment to relationship with these people, a good thing overall.<br /><br />So, when I read this text, I feel the shift in Habakkuk's attitude from kicking at God to realigning himself with God.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, <i>yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.</i><br><br>The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.<br><br>--Habakkuk, 612 B.C.</p><br /><br />I want to have that attitude in the fullness of my soul. (That song gives me a boost in the right direction...)Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1164961380002721282006-12-01T00:03:00.000-08:002007-01-24T22:52:03.043-08:00The crusty shell around the Lord's Prayer<span class="dropcap">I</span>t keeps coming back to "What will my response be?"<br /><br /><span style="clear:both"></span>On this dark evening for my soul, I opened up a bible. I thought to flip through the book of Isaiah--no goal in particular other than looking for anything that would check my attitutes, my thinking, my heart. It was one of those rare occasions when the place I cracked the book happened to land on something that spoke to my needs.<br /><br />Here was a king, King Hezekiah, who had been quite ill, near death, and he regained health by God's kindness.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">I said, "In the prime of my life must I go through the gates of death and be robbed of the rest of my years?" I said, "I will not again see the LORD, the LORD, in the land of the living; no longer will I look on mankind, or be with those who now dwell in this world. Like a shepherd's tent my house has been pulled down and taken from me. Like a weaver I have rolled up my life, and he has cut me off from the loom; day and night you made an end of me. I waited patiently till dawn, but like a lion he broke all my bones; day and night you made an end of me. I cried like a swift or thrush, I moaned like a mourning dove. My eyes grew weak as I looked to the heavens. I am troubled; O Lord, come to my aid!"</p><br /><br />That dude had a rough journey. "Day and night you made an end of me." He suffered and was wearing out. He wanted help. At the same time, he had his sights on the end of his life. I have watched family members dying. I've felt at the end of my life before. I can understand the "made an end of me" comment.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">But what can I say? He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this. I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul.<br><br>Lord, by such things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too. You restored me to health and let me live.<br><br>Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.</p><br /><br />Whoa... Something happened in his life and in his heart that he was able to look back, even after remembering the points at which he hopelessly felt he was being rolled up, being made an end of, and know, really know that this was good for him.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.<br><br>For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise; those who go down to the pit cannot hope for your faithfulness.<br><br>The living, the living--they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about your faithfulness.<br><br>The LORD will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments all the days of our lives in the temple of the LORD.<br><br>--King Hezekiah, 687 B.C.</p><br /><br />Well, one huge recognition was that God loved him, loved him even with how ugly of a person he'd been, attitude-wise, rejecting God. What touched my heart most, though, in reading this was the detail about who it is that praises God: the living. Yeah, yeah, I know about life after death, and praise will go on in heaven (and much more easily, that's for sure). The detail here is that he saw the opportunity now for praise.<br /><br />When I was 19 that I my discouragement about life came out in these kinds of words to God: "I'm just a pawn on a chess board. Now that I'm here, you're going to just move me around on the board until you're done with me, and then you'll be done with me here on earth and I'll go to heaven. I'd rather be in heaven!"<br /><br />I called my sister Jan one evening and talked about my discouragement. She suggested we both go and read the letter written by Paul to the group of believers in the town of <a target="_blank" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%201:23;&version=65;">Philippi</a>.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">If I had to choose right now, I hardly know which I'd choose. Hard choice! The desire to break camp here and be with Christ is powerful. Some days I can think of nothing better. But most days, because of what you are going through, I am sure that it's better for me to stick it out here.</p><br /><br />Paul had said what I was thinking: "I'd rather die and be with Christ." But he also noted it was more important for him to remain here. Someone who could relate (ok, in a distant way) was also saying they found a reason that staying was still good! What was that reason, I wondered. And in my ongoign reading, one of the impressions I was left with was that I was going through, whether enjoying the successes of this life or facing suffering, I needed to honor God, to praise God. Which attitude of mine would he enjoy more--discouraged and kicking at that which was around me while ignoring him, or turning to face him in my suffering and sharing a smile, sharing a relationship, thinking of and telling him about things I appreciated about him, about his character, about his artistic ability, about kindness I'd seen shown to others, even if I didn't think I was directly benefitting? That's what I could do--praise him, honor him. And that new thinking, and seeing that in Paul in his letters to the believers, that brought peace at many points in my life. (I'm in need of returning to that again!)<br /><br />Reading King Hezekiah's prayer reminded me of another place where the author noted that praise would still be his choice. Habakkuk was a guy who looked at the suffering going on in his country (famine, for example) and spoke out in anger to God about that. I'd sum up God's response to him as, "I know. But this suffering is what they need right now. There are some things they have not yet learned."<br /><br />I envy Habakkuk. He not only got an answer from God but he got a reason. It definitely cannot be said that all suffering is for people to learn something. But in this case, it most definitely was, and now Habakkuk knew.<br /><br />When I read the following text, I see Habakkuk as having shifted position, having changed his view of things. Earlier, he was angry with a God who he viewed as cruel for no reason. Now, he was aware that God's actions were not purposeless; God's actions were born out of commitment to relationship with these people, a good thing overall.<br /><br />So, when I read this text, I feel the shift in Habakkuk's attitude from kicking at God to realigning himself with God.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, <i>yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.</i><br><br>The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.<br><br>--Habakkuk, 612 B.C.</p><br /><br />Here is a song that is fitting with today's post: <a href="http://myspace.com/saintswithavision">I Wanna Say Thank You</a> (find and click "I Wanna Say Thank You" on that page). I want to have that attitude.<br /><br />(If you can't find it there anymore, and if you have downloaded the free <a href="http://www.apple.com/itunes/download/">ITunes player</a>, here's a <a target="_blank" href="http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playlistId=6374470&s=143441&i=6374433">snippet of the song</a>. Lyrics <a target="_blank" href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=88406217&blogID=177461095">here</a>.)Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1160966238470793052006-10-15T19:26:00.000-07:002006-10-15T19:37:18.500-07:00A kind word, part 2Of <i>course</i>, on the heels of my posting about kindness, I failed miseably with several people, not responding in kindness to points of offense. That helped sink home the contrast of what the man was pointing out. Having those thoughts fresh in my mind enabled me to apologize to these individuals. I don't want to be unkind...Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1159859635994120282006-10-02T23:34:00.000-07:002006-10-03T00:13:56.036-07:00A kind word and a gun will get you further than just a kind wordI remember my brother quoting that years ago, using a gentle voice as if to convey some insightful wisdom. Cracked me up. My coworkers get to hear me repeat it with a similar contemplative voice. Poor guys.<br /><br />I remember reading a book a couple of decades ago in which the author said, "There's never reason to be unkind." <br /><br />"What?!" I had to read that section a few more times. He wasn't kidding, and he wasn't stupid. He talked about some tough situations, and he talked about still choosing to have a kind response. He wasn't saying that there are never sources of irritation or pain; rather, he was talking about the response I have control over. He was seeking to persuade me that not only was a kind response far better than an angry one but that it was also do-able. It was a profound idea to me. Clearly that was not part of my view on how to respond to things that irritated me or made me angry. How in the heck did he ever get to that point of not only self-control but extending kindness?<br /><br />---<br /><br />Greg has dropped by several times. I have enjoyed our visits. He's a kind guy. Dad has come up a lot in our conversations. Greg remembers Dad from when Greg was a boy. Dad caught his eye--he looked different from other adults. Dad always appeared to be thinking about something, seemed to be thoughtful. Dad wasn't just another adult drifting along; he had an active mind. Greg was intrigued. <br /><br />Mom and Dad were there in some important times in Greg's life; they left an impression on him. And he wanted to reconnect with them now as an adult, to get caught up on whatever had happened in each others' lives. And he got to visit a few times in the years before Dad died.<br /><br />I'm lucky now. I get to hear from Greg about Dad and remember Dad's kindness. Dad had that thinking look on his face. "Why do you suppose he thought so much, measured his words, spoke slowly?" I asked Mom. The three of us agreed he was considerate, wanting to show care to those with whom he was speaking.<br /><br />Dad learned something key long ago, whatever it was. He made the shift from being angry inside and out to being a careful responder and a kind person. Hey, he didn't get it right all the time; the images of him frowning quickly blur among the images of him extending kindness even in the face of interruption, disrespect, unkindness.<br /><br />I see that in my sister Jan, too. There's no agenda to right wrongs, no need to clarify her position. She extends kindness and blessing through words or a cheerful voice or simply a smile; I think about this and have to pause when I think of how I find out a couple days later that she was feeling nauseated or had barely slept the night or nights before or had back pain that made it hard for her to find a comfortable position. And then two days later find out that the reason her arm went numb and headache increased was that she had a tennis-ball size tumor in her head. And if she finds opportunity to love others and pray for them and be kind, she'll give it her best.<br /><br />What will it take for me to get to that place? What excuses am I unknowingly and knowingly using to continue responses that fall short of kindness? Wow.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1158913127223777352006-09-22T00:30:00.000-07:002006-09-26T09:29:47.180-07:00Passion, part 2<span class="dropcap">I</span>n my prior post, I finished with this: "There's a big need out there and he's stepped in to be of help." Now that I'm actually reading the book, I'm compelled to restate: I'm glad he stepped in to help: there's a big need <i>in here</i>.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">(p 47) After years in the church, I began to see that underneath those shiny suits and happy smiles were people just like me who were broken and sinful and desperately in need of acceptance and love and forgiveness. But for the first ten years of following Jesus, I tried to fit in with this consumer church culture, and it just didn't work. I was still a marginalized kid. I was the redheaded cousin nobody wants to take credit for: I made it into the family, but only on a fluke.<br><br>In Jesus' time, the religious community didn't accept <i>him</i> either. He didn't fit in. He lived in the margins. Over the years, I've found incredible comfort in this, because I realize I'm not alone.<br><br>More and more people today believe that the church as an institution is not an authentic or viable way to connect with God. We want to go someplace where people are straight-up about things and deal with life in a real way. We're searching for a place where everyone can admit who they are, let down their guard, and confess that they, too, need a Savior. The truth is, all of us who have a relationship with God can do so only because God has forgiven us and we're still desperately needy people.</p><br /><br />I'm not going to do it, but I'm sure tempted to sit in the back of church and then jump up during some part where it seems like many people are just tuning out and say, "Hey, anyone who wants to join me: let's leave right now and go to the park and <i>talk</i> to each other about what we're wrestling with and remind each other of God's continued love for us." They would benefit from such interaction. I would benefit from such interaction. <br /><br /><p class="aside1">(p 55) Jesus is a friend of sinners. He's there in the margins with the average Joe, with people whose lives are broken and tattered and sinful. People who have had horrible things happen to them and done horrible things back. Jesus is in there accepting them and tolerating their behavior. Why? Because he wants them to know that he loves them.<br><br>These aren't people who would get up early and go to church, or figure out how to jump through all of the ritualistic hoops thrown up by the religious community. These people have written off all that. They sleep in on Sundays and watch football and go to the mall. They're just the average person on the street.<br><br>Jesus is a friend to people like that, which prevents him from fitting in with the moral lifestyle of religious people. And so he's marginalized by them. They reject him.</p><br /><br />I suspect Jesus would already be at the park, waiting for us.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">(p 80) God said to Jeremiah, "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Technology, entertainment, pleasure, knowledge--all these are mirages on the quest to fill an empty heart. They promise to give life that they know nothing of. They are nothing more than illusions--mere deceptions that will ultimately steal, kill, and destroy.<br><br>If we spend our lives banking on one or more of these things to give our life meaning, we end up losing the life we sought to gain. The deception is that instead of gaining something, we are robbed of something. Instead of living, we are dying. Instead of building, we are being destroyed. And we find ourselves stuck in the margins. Disappointment invades the margins daily as we trust in things that promise real meaning--but in the morning put their pants on and are gone. And we're left waiting in the margins. Thirsty again.<br><br>God hates that. He did not create us to fall victim to deception and destruction. Jesus invites us out of the margins to discover the meaning of life in relationship with him. "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink," he says to us. He is not merely asking us to nod our heads in agreement with him. He is telling us to bank our life on him in relationship. That he <i>is</i> life.<br><br>He created your heart and knows what it longs for. What you crave can only be found in him. Quit seeking and drink. Enter into his love and trust moment by moment that he is all you need.</p><br /><br />It has been peaceful, settling on that.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">(p 106) When fathers abuse their God-given place in our lives, they leave a legacy of confusion and heartache for their children. Jesus invites us to reimagine life in relationship with the <i>perfect</i> father. Jesus redeems us from our sin and the brokenness of our father-wounds and he returns us to the Father and his love for us.<br><br>We need to understand who this Father is. If we don't we will simply take our broken understanding of what a father is and attach it to God, and that will only leave us confused and angry with God. He is <i>very</i> attentive to our needs, so attentive that he knows what they are before we ask. People in the margins struggle with this. Somewhere along the way, they learned that they're not really valuable enough to pay attention to.</p><br /><br />I remember when a speaker painted a mental picture for our introspection. "You're at Sizzler, helping yourself at the salad bar, when someone exlaims that God is coming down the street and will be coming into the restaurant. What's your response? Do you rush out to the street to greet him? Do you go to the door to get a peek? Or do you go find a place to hide?" There may have been another option. I just remember that none of them fit for me. My answer back then was that I'd return to making my salad. I wasn't opposed to God, and, sure, I'd like to see him. But there were probably more people that wanted to see him more than I did and I could wait. The reality was that I viewed God as not really caring so much about me. I wasn't really valuable enough to pay attention to. The reality is that he <i>is</i> in love with me and you and is paying close attention to our intimate needs and longings of our hearts.<br /><br />The author then repeats someone's story of a prince who was kidnapped when quite young and who grew up in a poor and troubled community. Years later, when rescued and put on the throne in royal clothing, with royal blood flowing through his veins, he wrestles with his memories of the life he lived and things he grew up around. He is named by those things. He needs to reimagine life as a child of the king--a reality more true than his experience.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">(p 110) This is what Jesus is calling us to. Whatever your experience of life has been, the royal blood of Jesus was shed and is sufficient to bring you into relationship with your Father, who reigns in an eternal kingdom. You are a child of the King. You belong to him. It is time to throw away the old clothes of your brokenness and sin and begin to live under your Father's protection and provision.<br><br> Rick McKinley, <i><a href="http://www3.addall.com/New/compare.cgi?dispCurr=USD&id=87131&isbn=1590523873&location=10000&thetime=20060922015200&author=&title=&state=AK">Jesus in the Margins</a></i></p>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1156303097059748482006-08-22T20:03:00.000-07:002006-08-22T22:17:30.066-07:00Passion<span class="dropcap">T</span>hat word has been on my mind for some time now, as I have crossed paths with several people who are passionate about certain causes, some local, some global. They reach out to others, asking them to care about that issue along with them.<br /><br />There is beauty and challenge in that we do not share the same passions. The beauty is that people are seeking to make a good difference; they are pained by what they see in the world and perhaps pained that no one seems to be doing anything about it, so they start tackling it. They are making a difference. If we all shared that same passion, a whole lot more would be done in that area, but everything else would remain ignored.<br /><br />The challenge is that, since we do not share the same passions, it can be difficult to find those who share our passion, who have a clue why it is of interest to us, etc. And to further complicate things, there are opposing passions, too. And yet by there being "competing" passions, much more is taken care of on this earth. There are those who go to the extreme on protecting animals while humans suffer. There are those who would promote the welfare of humans and could care less if all animals were wiped out. It's a good thing, then, that there are both passions, I suppose; both humans and animals are getting attention.<br /><br />Anyway, this notion of passion came up for me today when I read the online snippets of a book. Hopefully you can see the pages and click the triangles that turn the pages here: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/102-5931445-9757762?ie=UTF8&p=S00D&asin=1590523873">Where Normal People Don't Feel Normal</a>.<br /><br />The author has a passion for "those in the margin." That particular passion is one with which my heart resonates. There's a big need out there and he's stepped in to be of help.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1154417601403841462006-08-01T00:28:00.000-07:002006-08-01T21:41:28.883-07:00Blue Like Jazz: AloneI read another chapter of <a href="/2006/06/blue-like-jazz.html">Blue Like Jazz</a>. It was entitled <i>Alone--53 Years in Space</i>.<br /><br />As I read the chapter, I thought of many people I know who seem to be natural at being in community. That doesn't describe me. Reading this chapter got me thinking about how I need to work on that.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">One of my new housemates, Stacy, wants to write a story about an astronaut. In his story, the astronaut is wearing a suit that keeps him alive by recycling his fluids. The astronaut is working on a space station when an accident casts him into space to orbit the earth, to spend the rest of his life circling the globe.<br><br />I kept seeing this story in my mind. I imagined myself in that spot, looking out my helmet at earth, wondering if my friends were still there. I would call to them, yell for them, but the sound would only come back loud within my helmet. Through the years, my hair would grow long in my helmet; my view of earth over the first two years would dim to only a thin light through a curtain of thatch and beard. Within ten years I was beginning to breathe heavy through my hair and my beard as they were pressing tough against my face and had begun to curl into my mouth and up my nose. In space, I forgot that I was human. I did not know whether I was a ghost or an apparition or a demon thing.<br><br />As I lay in bed thinking about this, I thought that something like that might happen to me. Stacy had delivered as accurate a picture of hell as could be calculated, a place where a person is completely alone. What is very sad is that we are proud people, and because we have sensitive egos and so many of us live our lives in front of our televisions, not having to deal with real people who might hurt us or offend us, we float along on our couches like astronauts moving aimlessly through the Milky Way, hardly interacting with other human beings at all.<br><br />Stacy's story frightened me badly, so I called Penny. Penny is who I call when I am thinking too much. She knows about this sort of thing. It was late, but I asked her if I could come over. She said yes. I took the bus. When I got to Reed, Penny greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. We hung out in her room for a while and made small talk. She told me about her father. She told me about how she and her sister spent a year sailing. I listened so hard because it felt like, while she was telling me stories, she was massaging my sould, letting me know I was not alone, that I will never have to be alone, that there are friends and family and churches and coffee shops. I was not going to be cast into space.<br><br />Loneliness is something that happens to us, but I think it is something we can move ourselves out of. I think a person who is lonely should dig into a community, give himself to a community, humble himself before his friends, initiate community, teach people to care for each other, love each other.<br><br />Rick told me, a little later, I should be living in community. He said I should have people around bugging me and getting under my skin because without people I could not grow--I could not grown in God and I could not grow as a human. We are born into families, he said, and we are needy at first as children because God wants us together, living among on another, not hiding ourselves under logs like fungus. You are not a fungus, he told me, you are a human, and you need other people in your life in order to be healthy.<p><br /><br />(The title of the next chapter cracks me up. Can't wait to read it. "Community--Living with Freaks".)<br /><br />[Addendum: I read it. Man. That was a powerful chapter.]Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1153382895759497442006-07-20T01:05:00.000-07:002006-08-01T00:53:53.756-07:00A proverb involving a birdI remember a guy in college saying, "You can't stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can prevent it from building a nest in your hair."<br /><br />That came back to mind after this photo I took last week.<br /><img src="http://www.phoons.com/blog/images/blueHead.gif"><br /><br /><p class="aside1">You can read about <i>this</i> particular bird <a href="http://personaleffects.blogspot.com/2006/07/blue-jr.html">here</a>.</p>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1152764998085029412006-07-12T21:28:00.000-07:002006-07-14T01:05:55.196-07:00Cops: feel the loveMy prior post about <a href=/2006/06/blue-like-jazz.html>Blue Like Jazz</a> touched on how the author had used love as a commodity--giving it out if others proved themselves deserving, withholding it otherwise (and even attempt to change others by communicating disapproval, etc). He was transformed when he shifted to just loving people. When he observed his friend changing in this new loving atmosphere, he didn't care--his friend's change was not his responsibility to watch and determine.<br /><br />Last night after midnight, I went for a walk. I'd just had a great discussion with my sister Joanne and her husband Scott, being reminded of some spiritual truths that I wanted to solidify in my heart and mind. I went for a walk at the high school around the corner, a place I've oft used for walks.<br /><br />On my way back across the big school parking lot, I noticed a car crawling along, headlights off. Cops. I continued my slow pace out of the parking lot and was nearly to the sidewalk when I heard one call out to me. He asked me to come back, asked me what I was up to. I was part way back when I gently commented that "I just had a conversation with my sister and her husband and was praying about stuff." "Can you stop right there, sir?" I'd reached some magical point that was still fairly far from them but clearly too close for whatever kind of person I was. That was the first point of feeling that cloud of suspicion.<br /><br />"So, you were out praying?" "Yeah." I started to slip my hands in my pockets out of habit, and he said, "Sir, could you please keep your hands out of your pockets?" More of the cloud.<br /><br />"Can I see your id?" I got out my driver's license, and one cop took that back to the car, watchful. More cloud. The other asked if I had any drugs, weapons. So, the basic check-him-out discussion. "Could you please sit right there?" I sat down on the curb. I heard the cop over by the squad car saying my name into the radio mic. (Ever tighten up when you're cruising safely down the road and the notice a cop right behind you? You know you didn't do anything wrong, but you wonder if they're just going to find something wrong.)<br /><br />The cop remaining nearby looked like a pleasant guy. I knew I didn't have anything to worry about. Why not strike up conversation? I asked how tonight rated--busy or uneventful? We talked about the schools they check out; we talked about the location of the schools, about whether he grew up in the area. So, I filled the time with a little chatter. Eventually, the other cop approached again. "Do I win any prizes?" I called out with a silly smile. "Am I a legal resident?" Yeah, I was fine. He offered a courteous, "Sorry about the inconvenience" and a thanks, and I was on my way. They were decent guys, mind you, and they were doing their job with care. I have respect for them, for their service. I'm glad they checked me out as part of keeping our area safe. I thanked God for them, in that regard.<br /><br />Love isn't what the cops are there for. Their message wasn't "We like you; pardon us while we go through the motions to clear up a question in our mind." No, they approached me with suspicion. I was on school property, wearing a black leather coat and sporting a goatee. Trouble comes in packages that look more pleasant than me. They keep an eye out for things that look questionable. They have their approach for confirming trouble. It's their job to investigate. So, I got to "go along for the ride" and deal with the questioning, the check-me-out. I couldn't help but notice the atmosphere of "You are trouble until we say otherwise."<br /><br />A simple reminder of how others feel when I displace love with distrust and judgement.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.<br><br>Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first," doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.</p><br /><br />Tall order. Do others feel free to put their hands in their pockets when I'm around?Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1150796088231190242006-06-20T00:54:00.000-07:002006-06-23T20:44:16.466-07:00Blue Like JazzSearch for best price for <a target="_blank" href="http://www.addall.com/New/compare.cgi?dispCurr=USD&id=543787&isbn=0785263705&location=10000&thetime=20060620005249&author=&title=&state=AK">Blue Like Jazz--Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality</a> --Don Miller<br /><br />I wasn't looking for a book to read. Books take time to read, ya know? This one snuck up on me and grabbed me. In the last three days alone, I've read good portions to several different people, just to give them a taste of what's in this book. And several asked me to read another chapter.<br /><br />Over a month ago, I was visiting my sister Jan in Oregon. She mentioned how much her 20-something sons were enjoying this unusually-named book. I admire them; I was curious to know what caught their interest.<br /><br />I scanned the table of contents to get a sense of the nature and style of the book. "Faith: Penguin Sex," "Church: How I go without getting angry," "Alone: 53 Years in Space." I saw "Love: How to Really Love Other People" and started into it.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">When my friend Paul and I lived in the woods, we lived with hippies. Well, sort of hippies. They certainly smoked a lot of pot. They drank a lot of beer. And man did they love each other, sometimes too much, perhaps, too physically, you know, but nonetheless they loved; they accepted and cherished everybody, even the ones who judged them because they were hippies. It was odd living with the hippies at first, but I enjoyed it after a while.<br><br>They were not "live off the land and other people" hippies They were formally educated, most of them from NYU, getting their masters in literature, headed off to law school, that sort of thing. We would sit around and talk about literature and each other, and I couldn't tell the difference between the books they were talking about and their lives, they were just that cool. I liked them very much because they were interested in me. When I was with the hippies, I did not feel judged. I felt loved. To them I was an endless well of stories and perspectives and grand literary views. It felt so wonderful to be in their presence, like I was special.<br><br>I have never experienced a group of people who loved each other more than my hippies in the woods. I pull them out of my memory when I need to be reminded about goodness, about purity and kindness...<br><br>So much of what I know about getting along with people I learned from the hippies. They were magical in community. People were drawn to them. They asked me what I loved, what I hated, how I felt about this and that, what sort of music made me angry or sad. They loved me like a good novel, like an art film, and this is how I felt when I was with them. I was never conscious what my hands were doing or whether or not I sounded immature when I talked. I had always been so conscious of those things, but living with the hippies I forgot about myself. And when I lost this self-consciousness, I gained so much more. I gained an interest in people outside my own skin...<br><br>Because I grew up in the safe cocoon of big-Christianity, I came to believe that anything outside the church was filled with darkness and unlove. I remember, one Sunday evening, sitting in the pew as a child listening to the pastor read from articles in the newspaper. He took an entire hour to flip through the paper reading about all the gory murders and rapes and burglaries, and after each article, he would sigh and say, <i>Friends, it is a bad, bad world out there. And things are only getting worse.</i> Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined there were, outside the church, people so purely lovely as the ones I met in the woods. And yet my hippie friends were not at all close to believing that Christ was the Son of God.<br><br>I was amazed to find, outside the church, genuine affection being shared, affection that seemed, well, authentic in comparison to the sort of love I had known within the church. I was even more amazed when I realized I preferred, in fact, the company of the hippies to the company of Christians. It isn't that I didn't love my Christian friends or that they didn't love me, it was just that there was something different about my hippie friends; something, I don't know, more real, more true. I could be myself around them, and I could not be myself with my Christian friends. My Christian communities had always had little unwritten social ethics like don't cuss and don't support Democrats and don't ask tough questions about the Bible... I was tired of biblical ethic being used as a tool with which to judge people rather than heal them. I was tired of Christian leaders using biblical principles to protect their power, to draw a line in the sand separating the good army from the bad one. The truth is I had met the enemy in the woods and discovered they were not the enemy...<br><br>With all of Christian talk about pure love, in the end it shook down to conditional love. Again, this is a provocative statement, but I want to walk you through the emotional process I went through.</p><br /><br />How do I find a place to stop? Each chapter is rich with his self-disclosure, his sharing of his journey in learning about God, about belief, about social justice, about change. He readily talks about things that many of us have probably thought about yet wouldn't readily admit to others. He talks about reality in a way that many churches do not--and probably should. He shares from his own experience in a way that let's the reader know he's not better than us. In so doing, he creates a safe place; I am drawn in to be with him without my being pushed or coerced, and at the same time, core truth is finding its way in through the cracks in the hard places of my heart. And that's rich.<br /><br />I'm wrestling to find an analogy. There are really big churches with lots of lively music, fancy preaching, people dressed all nice. Many people don't want to even go in the front door, despite their interest in pursuing truth. I'd say that this author is one of those people who quickly becomes a friend and says let's go hang out at Starbucks and talk. Life-stuff will no doubt come up because it's all safe. And real truths, ones which might be hard to identify or isolate in the distractions of the big church, will come out in ways that are relevant, pertinent, honest, loving and funny. That's the main point I wanted to make in this post, that this book is easy and fun reading--and gets profound concepts into even my head with what feels like little effort.<br /><br />Okay, with my main point out of the way, I'll share more of the same chapter. The author talked about more things he encountered and wrestled with in the next few years. Soon, he shifted.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things. My realization came while attending an alumni social.</p><br /><br />There, a professor spoke about metaphors. The audience came to understand how we oft use "battle" metaphors when referring to cancer (fight, rebuild, etc.). We use "economic" metaphors when describing relationships (value, invest, bankrupt, priceless, etc.)<br /><br /><p class="aside1">And that's when it hit me... The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money... This was the thing that smelled so rotten all these years. I used love like money. The church used love like money. With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did... But it is not a commodity. When we barter with it, we all lose. When the church does not love its enemies, it fuels their rage. It makes them hate us more.<br><br>There was this guy in my life at the time, a guy I went to church with whom I honestly didn't like. I thought he was sarcastic and lazy and manipulative, and he ate with his mouth open so that food almost fell from his chin when he talked. He began and ended every sentence with the word <i>dude</i>...<br><br>He began to get under my skin. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to read a book, memorize a poem, or explore morality, at least as an intellectual concept. I didn't know how to communicate to him that he needed to change, so I displayed it on my face. I rolled my eyes. I gave him dirty looks. I thought somehow he would sense my disapproval and change his life in order to gain my favor. In short, I withheld love.<br><br>After the lecture on metaphors, I knew what I was doing was wrong. It was selfish, and what's more, it would never work. By withholding love from my friend, he became defensive, he didn't like me, he thought I was judgmental, snobbish, proud, and mean. Rather than being drawn to me, wanting to change, he was repulsed. I was guilty of using love like money, withholding it to get somebody to be who I wanted them to be.</p><br /><br />He then talked about what he did to change his thinking, his heart, his actions. And after that, he talked about what happened.<br /><br /><p class="aside1">Things were different, but the difference wasn't with my friend, the difference was with me. I was happy... I discovered he was very funny. I mean, really hilarious. I kept telling him how funny he was. And he was smart. Quite brilliant, really. I couldn't believe that I had never seen it before. I felt as though I had lost an enemy and gained a brother. And then he began to change. It didn't matter to me whether he did or not, but he did. He began to get a little more serious about God. He was a great human being getting even better.</p><br /><br />And the insights continued in that chapter. <br /><br />I was hooked, reading that "first" chapter at Jan's, chapter 18. Soon I finished chapter 19. A few weeks later, my own copy arrived in the mail from Jan. (Thanks, Jan :) )<br /><br />And so it goes with each chapter. How the literature concepts of setting, conflict, climax and resolution opened his eyes to how Christian spirituality met the requirements of the heart and matched the facts of reality. How a documentary on penguins helped him grasp the faith in Jesus he was experiencing. How his internal reaction to a poor woman in line at the grocery store set in motion the breaking down of that which blocked him from accepting God's grace. <br /><br />I'm only halfway through the book. I continue to be challenged to consider who I am, face who I am--and get a better grasp on key spiritual truths. I'm looking forward to the rest.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21795806.post-1147680681613217562006-05-15T00:42:00.000-07:002006-06-23T20:40:05.236-07:00What next, Papa?How cool is <i>this</i>...<br /><br />You may recall from my posting on <a href="http://greatboa.blogspot.com/2006/02/why-i-started-calling-dad-papa.html">Why I started calling Dad "Papa"</a> that I sought to turn the "Abba" portion of Romans 8:15-16 into something personally meaningful. I settled on "Papa."<br /><br />The verses read like this: "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children."<br /><br />I visited my sister Jan in Oregon a few weekends ago. She has long recognized where I'm missing the boat in my trust of God; she was once there herself and is now so far from it--so deeply trusting in God, even as her strength rises and falls while dealing with cancer and chemo. She printed out all of Romans 8 for me in two translations: <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=52&chapter=8&version=31">New International Version</a> and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%208%20;&version=65;">The Message</a>. (What a fascinating presentation of the concepts in this second version of that passage...read it, would you?)<br /><br />With all that background, we arrive at what stunned me. Look how The Message translated the Abba verse: "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'What's next, Papa?' God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children."<br /><br />What a response to my squirmy, discontent, fearful pleas in my <a href="http://greatboa.blogspot.com/2006/05/no-trust.html">No trust</a> post. What a beautiful opportunity for me to view life with such a perspective of trust: "What next, Papa?"Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07935632763820485907noreply@blogger.com1