Miss ya, Dad

Last night I went out and looked at the photo of you and Mom on the family room wall. I missed your friendship.

It's been over a year and a half, and I still find it hard to look at your picture. But I needed to remember you, remember your friendship, remember how you'd listen to me, how you'd say "Hm" when you paused to take in the thoughts and form new ones and swirl those around in your gentle head.

I wept as I remembered. A lot happened in the past years that would just make us silent, not understanding why things happened like they did. You might not have answers, but it was comforting just to be able to talk to you and weep with you and pray together. And to reach over and hold your hand and feel your squeeze. Or to get a hug that reminded me of the strength with which you used to lift me and pop my back. It was just good to be with you and experience your love and friendship.

I needed friendship. I needed to remember how beautiful was the friendship you extended to me. You'd understand with me where I'd failed; you'd recognize with me the little things I did that were steps in a good direction. You'd encourage me to press on.

Mom's been such a good friend, too. She misses you so much. We long to be with you again. We have that hope. In my aching in missing you last night, I thought how my missing you paled to her missing you.

Love, John