A toast to God, and fun with lasers
[No profound points to be made here. Keep moving. Nothing to see here. Unless you just need a story to read.]
A month ago, a number of departments went offsite for an afternoon of relaxing with hors d'oeuvres (correct pronunciation: "horse doovers") and games of bocce ball. Those who arrived early received raffle tickets, and I, rare winner of anything, won a bottle of Gruet champagne and a group "Oooo..." I don't recognize the name, so I don't know if it's good or not--but hey! I won something!
As I left the event, I heard a clicking with the speed of my front wheel, akin to a playing card stuck into a bike wheel by a kid. I grew concerned that the transmission I'd paid for a few years ago was starting to fail. The sound went away after a few miles.
Two nights ago near an intersection, I punched the gas and then heard heard new, loud grinding sounds. "Whoa!" Transmission. The sound went away when gears shifted as I picked up speed. I nursed the car home, doing what I could to avoid stopping and being in first gear again. Whew, made it home.
The good news in the back of my mind was that the transmission might still be under warranty. The bad news was that I didn't know where the warranty paperwork was. Over the months, I had accumulated and not processed a bunch of items mailed to me. "Accumulated" should not be interpreted as "in one single place." Same for paperwork such as the warranty. Was it in one of the boxes in the house? in the garage? Was it in my car?
I inhaled and started poking through some of the boxes and piles. I continually asked God, "Please help me find it..." But soon I grew discouraged--I was dealing with my tangled web and also thinking about "what was the point of asking God?" It was easy in my discouragement to say that the majority of my prayers went unanswered over the years. I went away and eventually returned to poke some more and then get discouraged again.
Later, I sat down in the recliner and picked up a book I'd recently started. I came to a section where the author talked about God not answering because we're not asking for the right things. He prodded us to ask God what it is that we really need to be praying about in our lives.
I'm reminded of a message I listened to about praying. The speaker pointed out how so many of us might characterize our last year's worth of prayers as praying for little stuff--help me find a parking spot, help Billy on his exam, help me as I present the slides at the department meeting--little stuff that really would probably just work itself out anyway. The speaker challenged us to think and pray so hugely differently. I remember how eye opening that was for me and how it got me praying different that night. To start listening to that message, click here and click one of the links next to 1/7/7's message called Asking Big (I like the "f" icon choice...it plays the video version).
So, I stopped and, in my pain, expressed to God that I wanted help, I wanted to know what I should be praying about, that I hurt from not knowing. It wasn't about warranties or tax season. It was about life in general. That done, I moved on to the next chapter. In it, the author laid out a couple of things that he said he observed as key underlying problems for many who keep wrestling with life, key failures of people to grasp and deal with two key principles. I think that was a key answer I needed. (And I think the author knew it was probably the answer for many who were reading the book.) That was on my mind through the next day.
Still, my heart ached from thinking I pray about various things and then see either no result or facing yet another loss. And when I got up the next morning, here were a bunch of emails announcing that a bunch of my stocks had been automatically sold in my account for $0 each. Ugh. Another mess to straighten out. I ached for connection with God, for something I could point to and say, by golly, God heard me, or God blessed me in that, even just that one thing.
Mom and I went out to dinner. Talking about the things above helped lighten my load; and it enabled me to inhale and try praying again, something I haven't really wanted to do much of. I wanted to shift gears and re-reach out to God as an acknowledgement that that's right to do and acknowledgement that he's never left me, never stopped hearing me. I interrupted Mom to say I wanted to pray and wanted her to join with me. I told God how I wanted to find that paperwork, and if God wouldn't provide that, would he help the transmission guy find some paperwork that could help out, or would God show me whatever way could help me get this covered by warranty.
Back at Mom's place, Mom generously offered to help sort envelopes and paperwork with me. It didn't take very long to get through the collection...and we didn't find the warranty. However, there was now one pile of stock paperwork. That was GREAT because I knew I had to gather all of that at some point for tax season. And I found a call to jury duty which I had overlooked. Not great! The jury summons noted that failure to appear could lead to a $1000 fine and several days in jail. Ugh. More stress as I waited for 8 am to arrive.
After sorting paperwork, I had a pile of paper which I tossed in the fireplace. Smoke spilled into the room, setting off the ear-piercing alarms in each room. Mom scrambled to open windows and doors and I scrambled to yank 9V batteries. Sigh. All windows and doors open. It's raining out. It's cold outside. We're standing outside the garage to avoid breathing the smoke as it clears.
Well, there was the opportunity to look in another place of my car for the warranty. And soon I found it. "Yay! There it is!" Mom added the tongue-in-cheek line, "Yep, it's always in the last place you look for it!" We hugged, knowing the relief that represented for me, and recalling our discussion about all of this. She expressed what was on my heart, too: thanks to God. Sure, this might've been one of those things that would have "just worked itself out" in whatever form and at whatever expense, but, still, it was nice to get a break, get a bit of relief in the string of stresses.
In this moment of relief and of some tiredness from the day's and evening's activities, Mom said, "How about a glass of wine?" which we didn't have. Ah, but I had the unopened bottle of Gruet. "Ah, we'll have to get some special glasses for that," she said, as she grabbed some dark green goblets that bear zero resemblance to these or these. We planted ourselves on a bench on the front porch in the cold and I poured a couple of glasses. I also brought out a laser pointer I'd bought for my entertainment the day before as a replacement for one I'd had for years and broke.
There are two things you must take with you on your next trip to a fish store: a mirror and a laser pen. You'll soon discover which fish think the light is food and chase it all over the tank and which fish could care less. The mirror is great for oscars and octopi who are territorial. Oscars will fan their fins and open their mouths. An octopus at an aquarium stayed crammed in a corner as onlookers grew bored and left. With a couple seconds of mirror facing the octopus, it quickly emerged from its lair and moved to the other side of the tank. A smug, satisfied smile for me, as I got to see the octopus that others missed.
We picked up our glasses. "To God," Mom said, and we clinked glasses. I appreciated the sentiment, as unusual as it was to "toast God." We'd found the warranty. We'd consolidated the tax info. I'd made the house difficult to breathe in. I might have to pay some fine regarding jury duty.
I handed her the laser pen and said, "Hey, see if you can find the reflector on that gray car way down the street there." And so we had fun for the next 20 minutes, pointing it at different things (license plates reeeeally light up), talking about how various reflectors are designed, pointing it at new stuff, laughing and talking together. It was good champagne, a good laser pen, and good company, and a relief to have found the warranty card and have the rest of my mess far more organized.
We prayed about the jury duty thing. We went back inside and I read some more of the book to Mom, encouraging thoughts here, challenging thoughts there. More openness for both of us; that's good. It was good to have an answer to prayer. (Thanks, God, for slipping in one of those. Yet may I continue to do the hard work of asking even when I don't hear answers, taking you at your word when my emotions say to believe otherwise, trusting that you really do love me, even if what's best in your eyes may be for me to experience shadows.)
This morning, I called the courthouse and expressed my stress at having found I'd missed the appointment. I offered to come "serve today, even!" I showed up, was added to "Panel 8" and that was the first group assigned to a courtroom. In the end, I was not selected and I fulfilled my jury requirement without having to check in by phone for days. And I faced no penalty. Two more things to be thankful for.
comforting just to be able to talk to you and weep with you and pray together. And to reach over and hold your hand and feel your squeeze. Or to get a hug that reminded me of the strength with which you used to lift me and pop my back. It was just good to be with you and experience your love and friendship.
